I have kept silent about the Boston Marathon bombing on Monday because I did not know what to say and so many others had already expressed how I was feeling. I found out about the bombing minutes after it happened and was numb the entire rest of the day. I had class at 4:00 that I would have skipped if I didn't have a quiz. When I came home I was unable to do anything. I just sat there unable to process what had happened.
I was not in Boston on Monday and while I did not know anybody personally running the marathon, I knew both friends met on the internet running and friends that are in Boston for school. Despite not knowing anyone directly affected by this tragedy these were my people. I struggle to call myself a runner but let me tell you, if you attack runners or swimmers they are my people. I may not know all of them but they are my friends because they are a part of two very important communities to me.
Over the next few days I was starting to be able to move on. My mind was starting to calm and I was starting to feel like things were getting back to normal. And then today happened. I was woken up at 3:15 in the morning by a text from my boyfriend about a manhunt. When I heard my phone vibrate I originally ignored it and rolled back over to sleep. About 30 minutes later I decided to check my phone. At first I didn't believe what I was reading.
I quickly checked every news source, only to become more confused. I was reading so many variations of what was happening, each from fairly different from the next. Maybe it was because it was the middle of the night and my brain was not yet working but I finally had a breakdown. The more I read the more terrified I became. I knew I was not in harm's way since I'm in Baltimore and all this is happening in Boston, almost 9 hours away, but I couldn't help but be fearful.
As the night progressed I lost it more. By 4:45 I was shaking, crying and nauseous. I did, and still do, have a bad feeling about this whole situation. Obviously this week's events have been absolutely tragic. I can't pinpoint why but I have a feeling that this is only the beginning. Maybe it's because it was my friends who were attacked. Maybe it's because I could have been there on Monday along with my family. Maybe it's because we still don't know enough about who these people are and what their motive is.
I want to know if these are the only two associated with this event. More so, I want to feel safe. I want all of this to be over and the sick people who did this to get what they deserve. I don't know what to say or feel anymore. Right now I'm just angry. My heart goes out to those who lost their lives on Monday and last night.