Its crazy how my life is so different than it was last year yet in so many ways it feels the same. Growing up I was a creature of habit and hated getting out of my routine. I often preferred to stay at home and read than go out with friends. I'm very introverted but I think the real reason was that it was easier. Like most people, I hate failing and being rejected. I let this fear take over my life at times though. I don't like to admit it but I missed out on some really awesome opportunities because I was too scared.
The past few weeks I have been the exact opposite of my old self. Wednesday night I found myself at my apartment with no homework and no social plans in a solid two weeks. I have been either spending my nights studying/writing papers or making spontaneous plans with friends. Although I desperately needed a night off to catch up on sleep and just relax, I realized why I was constantly trying to fill my time.
We only get this one life and I don't want to spend mine wasting time. I don't want to waste it on people, activities, anything that I don't love. Lately I've been feeling a stronger connection to many of my friends and it is only drawing me in more. I have a hard time letting people in but I'm starting to realize that the only way to really get to know someone is to let them in. I've been working on trusting more and also giving up some control.
I have worked hard these past four years at school and if going out with friends one night means I don't turn in my best quality homework, so be it. I don't want to say that it isn't important to work hard and go after what you want but its also really important to relax and go with the flow sometimes. I keep trying to remind myself that I might not remember that paper on secondary orality that I got an 83% on but I will likely remember the night I spent with my friends that prevented me from getting an A.
When I started running again at the end of January I was really out of shape. I knew I had lost fitness after taking an eight week break but I didn't expect how slow I had gotten. I thought after a week or two of running my paces would drop back down and I would be back to my old speed. That was not the case at all and to be honest it stressed me out. A lot. The absurd and record setting amounts of snow we got this winter also stressed me out.
Recently I've been letting that all go. I've come to terms with the fact that the Columbia Triathlon might not be a PR and that my running is going to take some time to fully come back. I started relaxing and just getting done what I could. And you know what? It's been working out for me.
My runs have been considerably better. Not only faster but stronger. My strength sessions at the gym have been filled with improvement and PRs. I may still not be where I want to be but I'm on my way. I'm trying to take life as it comes and enjoy it for what it's worth.