Sometimes life is unfair. In less than a minute your entire world can be flipped upside down, leaving you feeling lost and alone. When you least expect it everything you know will no longer make sense.
A little more than a week ago my dad died of a heart attack. He was perfectly healthy. He ran a 5K on Thanksgiving. He was completely fine, until his heart stopped beating.
December 1 I lost my best friend. My dad was my rock, my support system. He was my biggest cheerleader in everything I did.
Right now it's impossible to think of how I am supposed to move on with life. My dad was an incredibly optimistic person and I know he wouldn't want me moping around. I want to be happy and remember all the fun times we had. At the same time, I feel guilty for being happy and going about my daily life like somehow it means I loved him less.
Right now I feel confused and numb. I don't think it has quite set in yet. Every single time the door opens I expect him to walk in from doing yard work or taking the dog for a walk.
Saying goodbye is too hard so I'm not going to say goodbye. Everywhere I look I see signs of my dad. I don't know why this happened and there is nothing I can do to make it better.
I don't know what to say when people ask how I'm doing. I'm certainly not good but I want to channel some of my dad's optimism. Life is wonderful and should be cherished.
I don't really know what to say even now.