Confidence Building Runs

I have struggled with low self-esteem issues for as long as I can remember. I was an above average swimmer and always had straight A's so I'm not entirely sure where my lack of confidence comes from. This lovely trait of mine continues to plague me as a runner as well. Sometimes I think it is actually good to be not completely confident so that you don't put too much pressure on yourself or expect too much. But at the same time that lack of confidence can knock you out of the game before it even starts.

When I first started training for the Nike Women's Half Marathon back in January I saw a lot of improvement in my running. My pace for easy runs dropped from a 10 minute mile to close to a 9 minute mile in only a few weeks. I was nailing my long runs and getting even faster. I was full of confidence about breaking the two hour mark. The problem was that I was too confident. I was losing motivation and skipped one too many workouts in favor of dinner with friends or just out of sheer laziness. My paces plateaued and my confidence plummeted. The worse my confidence was in my ability to get hard runs done the worse I actually did on those runs. It felt like a never ending circle.

Best running buddy!

After having a rest week last week I was feeling refreshed and ready to take on this last training block before my race. But things didn't exactly go as I had hoped. My first few workouts of the week were painfully bad. I felt tired, heavy, just awful. Not much in the way of helping my confidence levels. Wednesday night's track run turned things around for me. I was still nervous about Friday's long run but I wasn't dreading it anymore because at least some small part of me knew I could do it. And do it I did. Not only was I able to nail my prescribed paces but I went even faster on a pretty dang windy day.

Here was the plan:
2 mile w/u, 1 @ 8:20, .5 @ 9:00, 1 @ 8:10, .5 @ 9:00, 1 @ 8:00, .5 @8:30, 1 @ 7:50, .5 @ 8:30, 2 c/d

My splits for the hard miles:
8:19, 8:08, 7:47, 7:44

The first mile interval was pretty challenging but during the second one I started to get the hang of it. I felt great during the third one and decided to run hard and not look at my watch and see how it went. I was shocked to see 7:47. I felt like I was running closer to 7:57. For the last interval I was hoping to go under 7:40 but the wind got the better of me. There definitely wasn't a lack of effort though.

Maybe it's because I've been improving so quickly and my mind hasn't had time to catch up with my body but I still have a hard time comprehending that I can run sub 8 minute miles. Not long ago I was happy to see a number that started with an eight. Even as I'm writing this I am doubting myself about next week's long run.  Besides the obvious running I am going to try to spend the last weeks of training focusing on the mental side of it all. Even if my body is capable if my mind is not on board it is going to be hard to accomplish much. Looks like I'll be having quite a few dates with my Believe I Am journal.

I Have a Confession

One of the goals I set for myself for my triathlon training was to train consistently. Because sometimes schoolwork and being a college student get in the way of my training, I have turned to morning workouts as the solution to this. And I must confess, I kind of sort of really like morning workouts. Shocking, I know!

So far I have only done short recovery runs in the morning but I used to swim in the mornings twice a week when I was in high school. Since I have not done any hard workouts in the morning I obviously cannot comment on them, but I gotta say that morning workouts are very relaxing.

I love checking the weather and setting out all of gear the night before. I love waking up, getting dressed, and heading out the door all in ten minutes. And I love going outside and enjoying the outdoors while most people are stressfully driving into work.

Hahaha not exactly what I mean

I feel so calm and at peace with myself during those morning hours. I don't have to really think much because I'm doing a recovery run. I have a tendency to zone out for the majority of the run just enjoying being outside but somehow end up having life changing thoughts. I have come up with some of my best ideas during morning runs, and I have also worked out a lot of stressful problems during these runs.

I always feel so relaxed during the day after doing a morning run, and I am also usually smiling the whole day too. Morning runs give me this sense of power and confidence because I have already started my day off by doing something so productive and good for myself. Not to mention I am doing something that I really enjoy.

I know a lot of other runners and triathletes are morning people and swear by their AM workouts but if you are not a morning person I am challenging you to give it a try. You don't have to workout every morning or even for a long time. Just wake up 30 minutes earlier and go outside. I promise you will notice things that you would never have seen later in the day. And you will be amazed how great you will feel for the rest of the day.

10 Things I Love About Running

In honor of Valentine's Day today I decided to celebrate why I love running. I know a lot of people dislike Valentine's Day but I think of it as a day to celebrate all of things in my life that I love and am grateful for. As happy as I am to spend Valentine's Day with my amazing boyfriend and was even happier to start the day off with a four mile run.

So here we go:
1. The challenge. Running is one of the few things that always challenges me no matter what. Some days the challenge is hitting a certain pace while others days it can be as simple as just getting out the door. Maybe it is because I am such a new runner, but I truly feel that I have a lot of room for improvement both in the speed of my running and my overall running endurance. Running is the best reminder that nothing comes easy, and that the best things in life are worth fighting for.

2. The stress relief. Being a full time college student can be very stressful, especially during midterm & finals week. When I am feeling overwhelmed I always force myself to go for a run because I know I will feel a million times better afterwards. Running lets me get my mind off of whatever is bothering me at least for a little while.


3. The time to myself. I am a huge introvert. I absolutely need time to myself to simply gather my thoughts and be alone. So many of things in my life are shared with friends and family and it is such a great feeling to have running all to myself. It is my time to just be by myself and think about whatever I want.


4. The feeling of accomplishment. I love the feeling of knowing that I accomplished something that most people will never do. Running makes me feel like I am getting out there and doing something productive while others are lounging on the couch. I love going for morning runs and starting my day off with a sense of accomplishment so early.


5. The confidence is gives me. As I have mentioned before I have struggled with my confidence. I feel so great about myself about a few days of consistent running, like I am on top of the world. In turn, this confidence transfers back into my running and starts a very beautiful circle.


6. The feeling after a great run. This goes along with the feeling of accomplishment. No feeling beats that after an awesome run. I had a run like this a few weeks ago and I was riding my runner's high for the entire weekend. I felt truly unstoppable and like I was completely in my element. No better feeling seriously.


7. The time I spend outside. Growing up I didn't really enjoy spending time outside. Running, though, makes me appreciate nature so much. Whenever it is a beautiful day outside all I can think about is going to a run to enjoy the beautiful weather. Consequently, I have spent many days running outside in the rain.


8. The strength it gives me. As a swimmer I didn't use my legs very much. It was very difficult for me when I first started running because my legs were not used to constantly being used. My legs are so much stronger now and I absolutely love it. Running has also made me stronger mentally. I struggled mentally as a swimmer and had frequent bouts of anxiety and the occasional panic attack. Running has been the complete opposite for me and I couldn't be more grateful.


9. The community. Even though I don't know many other runners, I love being a part of the running community. I love the support of the blogging community and having the ability to chat with other runners on Twitter. Going to a race and being with other people who are there for the exact same reasons is such a unique experience. Runners are all so friendly and welcoming.


10. The shoes. I'm not going to lie, I love my running shoes. I love all shoes in general and any excuse to buy new shoes is okay with me. I recently switched to a bright purple pair of Brook's Adrenaline's and can't get over how awesome they are.

On Learning to Love My Body

One of the goals I set for myself for this year is to learn to love my body and feel confident about myself. This is really a never-ending goal and something that we could all probably work on. I won't lie and say that the only things that bother me are my fingernails or something silly like that. As I'm writing this post though I can't really think of much about my body that bothers me. Yeah, of course I would love a flatter stomach, a smaller booty, and more toned legs. But honestly, there isn't really anything that I truly hate.

I have never had a real reason for having such low self esteem. I just always feel like I am not good enough. For awhile I hated my red hair growing up because I didn't know anyone else with red hair. In high school I considered dyeing it a dark brown. But when I told people my plan I received no support. I was told over & over that I had beautiful hair that people pay hundreds of dollars for at salons.

I am not trying to convince you all that I have great hair because it still drives me crazy. It is unbelievably thick which causes it to be very unruly. I can't cut it too short or grow it too long or else it turns into an animal. Recently I got my haircut and it was shorter than what I am used to. I was so panicked that I was going to have an afro of red hair and look like Carrot Top that I was considering getting it professionally straightened.

After a few hours I calmed down though. I started getting scared about not having my usual curly, crazy hair. I realized that my hair is one of the things that makes me stand out from others. It is a part of who I am and despite how annoying it can be, it is something that I don't want to change.

The moral of this long, random post is to listen when others compliment you. You really are beautiful and strong and smart and it is so much easier for others to see it. Most of us are very humble and don't take compliments very well but I am telling you to start listening to others and realize just how fabulous you are.

2012 Goals

I hate making New Year's resolutions. I am one of those people who never follows through with them. Instead, I find setting specific goals to be more successful. I also do a better job of setting goals for myself each month than just at the beginning of the year. With that being said, I do have a few goals that I am setting for myself now.

Train for and race a triathlon or two. Or three. 2011 was a year of figuring out what I wanted to do sport-wise now that I am done swimming competitively. I ran a half marathon in October and plan to keep running but 2012 is going to be the year of the triathlon for me. But not only do I want to start doing triathlons, I want to start training for them. And I want to train smartly. I want to go into the tri season feeling confident and ready to race.

Break two hours in the half marathon distance. I ran my first half marathon with little training and finished in 2:23:03. I am confident that with proper training and some long runs I can break two hours. I know that would mean a 23 minute PR but I barely trained for Baltimore and my speed has really been improving lately.

Complete a bike race/ride. My boyfriend is a biker. Last year he did his first century ride, which I volunteered at. I was really inspired watching so many people out there biking 100 miles. It is pretty safe to say I will not be biking 100 miles this year, but a 50 miler or metric century (63.5) ride is definitely on my radar.

Spend less time watching TV and on the computer. Ever since I started blogging back in the spring I have spent so much more time on the computer. Don't get me wrong, I love blogging and being a part of such an amazing community. But lately I have spending too much unnecessary time on the computer that would be much better spent doing something productive.

Learn to love my body and feel confident about myself. I have always struggled with having low self-esteem and I am sick of it. When I am training for a race I feel unstoppable and I want to transfer that feeling to every day. I know this is something that will take longer than one year to complete but I think now is the perfect time to start.

Get back to eating healthy. I have been really neglecting this part of my life. I used to be so good about eating healthy wholesome foods but lately I haven't been the best. I'm not going to lie here, having a boyfriend has made it pretty difficult to create healthy meals. But that should not be an excuse.

Do those things that absolutely terrify me but will be so worth it. Sometimes all it takes it twenty seconds of intense bravery to do something amazing. I hate missing out on things because I am scared of failure. I want to look back and be so proud of the courage I had.

Be a better friend and girlfriend. I have been dating my boyfriend for two and half years now so sometimes things can become routine. We rarely fight and I want to keep it that way. Sometimes I can be unsupportive, jealous, and controlling. These are all things that I really want to eliminate to continue my relationship with the most amazing person I have ever met.

What's Up, December?!

Happy first of December everyone! I can't wait to get into the full swing of all of the Christmas festivities. Last month I made it my goal to eat more fruits and veggies and I have to say I was pretty successful!

Going into December, and more importantly, going into the end of the year I have some really great goals set for myself to end this year with a bang.

I mentioned a little while ago about my 25K Swim Challenge, which has ultimately turned into a December goal of mine. I have been really craving pool time lately so this is the goal I am the most excited about.

I am also kicking off the start to half marathon training for the Rock n' Roll USA Half Marathon in March. I really didn't follow a plan when training for Baltimore and it showed in my results. I am really excited to train a little more seriously for this race. I want to kick its ass!

My hardest yet most important goal for December is to work on my self esteem and confidence. I mentioned yesterday that I have always struggled with my image but I am ready to change that.

What are your goals for December and the end of 2011?

Like An Angel

I'm not going to lie here. I watched the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show last night. I did not watch to feel bad about myself and aspire to be a thin model. I watched the show because I am in awe of their confidence.

I normally am not a fan of the messages that models give but the Victoria's Secret models are not your ordinary models. Yes they are super thin and may promote an unhealthy body image. But they really work that runway.

One things in my life that I have always struggled with is confidence regarding my body image. Even when I weighed about twenty pounds less, I still thought I looked like a cow.

There were so many times when I absolutely hated my body and wanted to look like a model. Luckily, I am mostly over that. I say mostly because I still struggled with my weight.

Ideally, I would like to weigh about twenty pounds less, which would still put me a very healthy weight and nowhere near underweight.

After I quit swimming  and left for college I put on weight. I am not overweight now, but I am definitely more than what I would like to weigh.

I am not going to say that everyone should watch a fashion show for inspiration, but for me it works. It doesn't necessarily matter what the girls weigh, honestly. What matters is how they present themselves.

I would be scared shitless to go out on a runway in lingerie for the world to see. I know it is their jobs to do that, but they do so very gracefully.

They always look happy, confident, and in control. They look like they can take on the world. I want that confidence and I am going to work towards gaining that confidence.