Food is Fuel

I received a lot of support about my last post about disordered eating. So many people are going through or have gone through a similar situation, and it really nice to know that I'm not alone. Since writing that post I have tried to be more aware of which situations are the most problematic so that I can work on coming up with ways to minimize my chances of overeating.

I've always payed a fair amount of attention to how other people perceived my actions and decisions. This led me to eat less than I wanted when around other people to ensure that I fit in. Growing up I ate a lot more than all of my friends but was at a healthy weight and even skinny at times. This didn't stop people from making comments about how much I ate. Once I went to college and was no longer surrounded by the same people I became suddenly aware of how much I was eating. Never mind that I was considerably more active than those around me.

Instead of eating normal amounts when I am with other people I am eating enough food to keep me satisfied for a few hours so that I don't end up going home and eating more because I am still hungry. 

Honey Greek yogurt, blueberries, almonds, sunflower seeds, mint, drizzled with honey.. YUM!

I also realized that in my attempt to eat healthy I had cut out almost all carbs. I was eating almost exclusively fruits and vegetables with some crap food thrown in there. I love eating salads for lunch but they just weren't keeping me full. Carbs are an essential nutrient and are especially important for endurance athletes. Nutrition is such a big part of training and performance. With race day a little less than 8 weeks away it is even more important for me to be fueling my body properly.

So I am choosing to eat wholegrain carbs. I love carbs and have a tendency to eat too many of them, which is why I stopped eating them in the first place. I don't want to tell myself I can't have a bagel for breakfast if that is what I really want. I am instead trying to be smarter about the decisions I make. Tomorrow will hopefully (!) be a snow day which I am planning on spending watching movies and enjoying a loaf of homemade coconut banana bread.

I think the biggest thing I need to change is the way I look at food. Instead of thinking about food as a way to lose weight I need to think of food as fuel. Food is what is fueling my body for both everyday activities and training. More times than I would like to admit a workout has been ruined because of either what I ate or how much I ate beforehand. It is okay to indulge every once in awhile but for the most part I should be eating healthy, natural foods that will keep my body energized during the day.

Disordered Eating

If you've known me for some time you probably know that I have struggled with disordered eating habits since high school. I've never been diagnosed with an eating disorder and I am very aware that EDs are very serious. I know several girls who have/had diagnosed eating disorders and I by no means am trying to group myself with those who have truly suffered. What I am saying is that my eating habits for quite some time now have not been normal and I want to do something about it. Something needs to be done about it.

When I was in high school I went from being underweight (I got tall but didn't put on any weight- normal growing problems) to gaining close to 10 pounds in a few months. I was on the young side in high school and this weight gain was completely normal for my age but I didn't handle it well. I was still pretty thin but seeing a higher number on the scale literally terrified me. At first I tried to starve myself to lose the weight that I had seemed to gain overnight. But when my weight didn't go down I started binge eating. I thought that I had no control over my weight and might as well eat a ton of food.

I should mention that I've always loved food. A lot. I remember once eating 11 pancakes for breakfast when I was 12 (?) like it was no big thing. I was a very hungry child but with the amount of swimming I did my weight was never an issue. And the majority of the foods I was eating were pretty healthy anyway. In high school I thought since I could eat a lot of food I thought I might as well should.

Long story long short, my eating habits have improved some but really not enough. I do not binge eat nearly as badly as I did in high school but I certainly eat too much. I've put on some weight since the fall that I am not okay with. I try to generally eat healthy (I don't eat any meat and minimal dairy) but when I come home from class I end up eating to the point that I feel well past full. Now this is not every day but it is enough that it is affecting other parts of my life.

The problem is I'm not really sure what to do. I've tried so many times to get out of this habit but it feels like the more I try the worse it gets. I am asking for help. I need to find a way to get through this in a healthy way.

I came across this article from Runner's World that I think does a really good job of explaining the differences from having an eating disorder and disordered eating as well as provide insight to the struggles that come along with disordered eating.

Have you ever struggled with disordered eating? How did you overcome it? Do you still struggle with it? Any advice?